A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Gentleness is one of the nine fruits of the spirit. It is the quality of being calm, kind, or soft. Conversely, it is the opposite of being violent, severe or strong. It will disarm or reverse the most furious, angry words when they are spoken with wrath. Words have power and a wise person uses his words with gentleness.
The Lord spoke to me once and stated, “An angry man can accomplish nothing.” He spoke those words to me because anger was my go-to emotion. I was raised by my grandmother but was angry most of my life because my mother did not raise me. Before she passed away, God reconciled us, and we had the beautiful mother-daughter relationship that we both had always wanted. God even blessed me to be able to pray her through to the Holy Ghost. God removed the core reason for my anger but, because it had become an ingrained habit, it took very little for me to go from 0 to 60 when I was opposed or when things did not go my way. I am so grateful to God that even now He does not allow me to function according to the way of the old man and will check me if I attempt to revert to my old ways of “flying off the handle” so to speak.
When we are facing an angry person, Proverbs 15 tells us that the proper response is a soft answer. It will encourage reconciliation and peace. The devil may tell you that if you give a soft answer, it will make you look weak or like a punk. But remember, we don’t listen to the devil. A harsh answer will only stir up more anger in both parties and increase hostility. Let’s look at an example in the Bible in which harsh words initially stirred up anger, but a soft answer averted a disaster.
In 1 Samuel chapter 25 David and his men went down to the wilderness of Paran. David was running from Saul whose intent was to take his life. His friend and mentor, Samuel, had also just died. Because David and his men were on the run they needed food. David had heard of a rich man named Nabal that abode in the area and he sent his men to him. David had had a very positive relationship with Nabal’s young men while they were in Carmel, and he felt that Nabal would surely help him out with a little food. However, Nabal, although a very prosperous man, was also known to be a churlish msn, rude in a mean spirited and surly way. David’s young men delivered David’s request, but Nabal responded in this way:
10Who is David? And who is the son of Jesse? There be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master.
11Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?
David’s response was to become angry at Nabal’s harsh words. He told his men to strap on their swords and he and 200 of his 400 men were going to deal with Nabal as well as others associated with him. Fortunately, one of Abigail’s young men told her that David and his men had been very protective of them while they were in the fields shearing their sheep, and that David and his men were on the way to deal with Nabal and his entire household. All of this was going to happen because of the harshness of Nabal’s angry words.
Without telling her husband, Abigail ran to where David was and met him. When she saw him, she bowed herself to the ground and fell at his feet. She asked for permission to speak to him, humbled herself before him, and then made excuses for her churlish husband. She told him that she brought him a blessing in the form of food. She also told him that God was going to bless him because no evil had God found in him all his days. She even told him that she knew that God was going to make him ruler over Israel. Abigail’s sweet words turned away David’s wrath and he said to her in the 32nd verse,
32 Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me:
33And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming
To shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.
Abigail’s sweet words, along with her actions, turned the course of history for David and for herself. Her gentle words saved many lives, prevented a major blot on David’s character and they even caused her to become David’s wife after Nabal’s death. She proved Proverbs 16:24 to be so true.
24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
So, the next time you’re dealing with an angry person, remember Abigail, Proverbs 15:1 as well as Proverbs 16:24. Let us pray.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for making me aware of the power of my tongue and for teaching me that an angry man can accomplish nothing. Thank you for allowing the fruit of the Spirit, gentleness, to abide within me and to teach me to be gentle, even with my words. My desire is to grow more like you every day. In the Mighty name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.